The Bully Mentality

What happens when your approached by a bully? You have two options; actually you have three. 1) You ignore the bully and you continue on with your life. 2) You cower and be afraid of the bully or 3) you stand up and fight.

When you cower in fear, you give the bully power. That, in return, makes the bully more powerful. If you find something in your life that makes you more powerful, wouldn’t you want to do it more and more? So, essentially when you cower you are giving that bully permission to be more and more aggressive towards you. When you walk past the bully and ignore him, what usually happens is the bully tries to get louder and louder until eventually the bully sees it doesn’t get a reaction or what it’s looking for and moves on to a lesser prey. You may suffer some scratches (throwing rocks) and wounds to the heart, but overall you get out okay. But, you know that bully moved on to somebody else and because of that somebody else is now being tortured.

The only option to make sure that a bully does not pursue you, your loved one’s, somebody you care about, or an absolute complete stranger is to put the bully down. You cower to the bully, and you let the bully get in close. Let them feel powerful. Just as they’re at their peak, you stand and face them right in the eye and punch them right in their fucking nose. With this, the bully will stutter because after picking on you, they feel they are the most powerful and that they cannot believe that someone they considered lesser to stand up to them. Their face maybe hurt, but their pride is wounded more and nobody wants their pride to be belittled.

The thing that they don’t tell you when you’re fighting a bully is that when you punch a bully right in the face, that bully is going to pause to take in what happened, and then they’re going to want to punch you back. Only, they won’t hesitate to do it. At this point, the bully has more to lose than you do. You already felt lesser. They are not used to feeling lesser. They are used to feeling better and greater than you. So, they want to prove to themselves and prove to you that that is true.

At this point you have another three options after you land that hit you can 1) wait with your arms down for the bully to turn around and hit you back. Chances are they will land it and they will hit you and hurt you and knock you down and they will not stop until they know for sure that they are the best.

Option 2) is you hit them and you wait with your arms at guard; ready for them to come back so that you can block and parry, then keep knocking them down until the bully finally stops, submits, or admits defeat. This is a very long, drawn-out process and it’s considered more honorable.This causes the bully the least amount of harm but if you either a) miss a block or b) keep blocking you’re still going to get hurt in the process.

he final option is 3) after you hit that bully, you keep hitting. You hit him again in the knee; knocking him down, then while they’re knocked down you knock down the other knee, then you hit him again in the face, or in the arm, or in the cheeks, or in the stomach, or everywhere and  anywhere you can get those hits. You do it in front of everybody and mostly you do it in front of yourself and in front of him. These are the two most important people so that both of you know that you know that you are the best. The bully can try to come back as many times he wants but that one time you were better. That one time the person who is supposed to be lesser beat somebody who is supposed to be obviously better. You are the winner with this. You still might need to block and you still might need to protect yourself, but so will they. Only defeating with make them and coward and squirm and try to get away and it takes away all of their power.

If you haven’t guessed already this is the perfect analogy for how you want to pursue life, your goals, visions, and the world itself. The way things are right now and the way people are right now, those societal standards are set in their ways and they want to show you that they are the best. They want you to know that there is only one way to do things and it is their way, and the second you question that shows that maybe somebody would think their best isn’t actually the best. Now, you have to understand that those people didn’t get there easily. They have fought and worked hard for their position of power and they want to maintain that because that is what they are most comfortable with and that is who they are most comfortable being. They are going to want to defend it with every fiber of their being because people do not want to put in effort for change and people do not like admitting they are wrong and society does not like admitting it is wrong.

So, you can sit there and morph to society, you can ignore society entirely and see if it conforms to you or just lets you be, or you can stand up and be loud and be noticed and be heard and everything that you are and say “No! I will not change! If you want me to get out of your way, then go around!!!”

I strongly advise that when doing this you have your arms up in that fighting stance because they will want to swing and you do not want to be an easy target. You make sure you are ready for that fight and that you are ready to lose that fight because sometimes you will lose. But, the fact that you stood up will make some of those people, and some of society, question their beliefs. That question, that crack in the concrete, will grow and overtime it’ll expand and it’ll break that concrete! But first, it takes that punch, that parry, that block, and you getting knocked down for the five-hundredth time, and standing up and saying “I could do this all day”

It will change the world, and most importantly it will change your world. How you take on life and how you will challenge the world all comes down to this:

When a bully gets in your face, what are you gonna do about it?  

This post has been inspired by the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.

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