So I went to a wedding this past weekend in Oklahoma. Beautiful and yes, it was also a gigantic pain in the ass, but that’s the kind of sacrifices we make for our friends and the ones that we care about. After flying to the middle of nowhere, we had the opportunity to be happy and make absolutely no connotation of just how much of a pain in the ass this was.
The reason I bring this up and even want to talk about this weekend in general is because I absolutely thrive at weddings. I don’t know what it is about weddings that makes me giddy or why a grown adult man finds his calling at someone else’s wedding. It is just the most natural thing in the world to be helping out on weddings for me and I am just blissful.
Striving in absolute mass chaos, getting asked millions of times the same question, the same stress getting repeated over and over again; and I love it all. The best part is watching the bride and the groom just trying to keep it together, while the entire time they are trying to remember why the hell they invited every single person they know to one area when they knew it was just going to be mass chaos. Why did we do this to ourselves? Because of love you fools!
In the midst of trying to help everything and make sure the things were running smoothly, there was something that became obvious to me that literally made me stop in my tracks, perk up, stare off into the distance to try to prove if this true or not. And once I proved it was true, it figuratively knocked me so hard on my ass that I had to literally go off by myself to contemplate what the hell was happening.
Let me explain what happened. So, going to a wedding is both exhausting and exhilarating. Everyone is dressed to the absolute best, and there’s also a lot of downtime so you can go and really connect with people that you haven’t seen in years. You honestly don’t know if you will ever see these people again and it’s nice to just learn their stories and see where they are coming from and where they are headed. I got to see some really good guys that I met at the bachelor party and I also got to see some friends that I’d known for years. That is when I realized something was amiss in the universe. As it turns out, I was the only one there without a date.
Now for me this initially struck no chords because I knew that my friends were dating someone and were bringing dates. I also knew that at weddings it’s commonplace for everyone to bring a date even if it’s just friends because no one likes to dance alone, except of course for yours truly. I dance regardless if I’m sober, drunk, with the date, or without. I’m a dancing machine and if there’s tequila you might as well clear the dance floor cause I’m gonna be all over it.
As I continue to have the same conversation over and over again (as it is with weddings and people that you barely see seem to have the same script of the same questions), I started to realize that most of my friends were with girls that they are either engaged to married to, or within the next two to three years will be married to. It came to my realization that everyone in these relationships was also living with their significant other, which struck me as odd as most of them started living together about the same time. I also started thinking about other friends that I had outside of this wedding and how some of them had told me that they were living with somebody as well. After a quick calculation and inventory, I came to the realization that I am the only person out of all of my friends that is not only single but is not living with somebody I am romantically involved with. Literally every single person I am friends with is in a serious committed long-term relationship.
Upon realizing this and upon scanning my brain for any person that I knew that I was friends with that was not in a committed relationship, I instantly had to go off and be by myself to let this process. As we continued on and I was able to collect myself, I started saying things to myself in order to make myself feel better. I started by explaining that I was mostly working on myself and trying to become a better person and working to solidify my relationship with myself and telling myself that “you’ve been just taking this year off and that’s why you haven’t had many opportunities to be happy.”
What struck me the most though was that I’m not even close to being where they are at. I had known these people for years: my friends and their significant others. They had been around forever and they had been well established. We drank together, we’ve gone on vacations together, we’ve been through hard times and bad times together, we’ve also been through amazing happy rewarding and celebratory times together. I couldn’t even imagine trying to introduce somebody new to our well established group.Iit was both glorious and terrifying to think of the kind of woman she would need to be in order to enter such a tight knit group.
I not only have best friends that are all in establish relationships with absolutely phenomenal women, but I also have three sisters that are all in very established relationships as well with guys that are amazing. I am surrounded by relationships that will be around for the rest of our lives, and I have to introduce some poor girl into these groups as the potential final member. Based on the terrible dating decisions I have made in the past, every girl will be under scrutiny and judgment and constant questioning from all aspects of this family and friends. It was this idea that made me come to the realization about how perfect this girl will be and honestly it scared the fuck out of me.
My friends and my family are the best people I’ve ever met. They are all well-established and successful; with great ambition work ethic, and compassion towards those they care about. We are a very tight solid group with a very strong foundation and we will be friends forever, and because of that this girl will need to be amazing. She will need to be all of those things because that is the standard that is set for our loved one’s. These are all very strong, impossibly incredible women, and now it is my job to find somebody who matches the same description. I don’t know what I’m going to find and I have no idea how I am going to find her.
I want to believe that the work I’m putting in now to improve myself will attract her to me, but I don’t want to be that naive. I understand I need to put in more effort to go out and meet people and stop wasting my time with girls that I’m not interested in. I am trying to focus my life. I’m being truly happy with myself because I know that the woman I find will have a solid foundation and friend group and family as well, and with that I will have to show them why this amazing perfect person chose to be with me. That is a hell of a lot of pressure and I’m excited to find somebody that doesn’t make it feel like pressure. She will make it feel like pride and love because something tells me that you won’t be the kind of person I need to prove myself to. You will be the kind of person I want to prove myself to.
And that is exactly why I love weddings so much…